I am lost, but not. I know where I'm going. I just don't know the path to get there. Everything feels so right and everything feels so wrong all at the same time. I love my life and hate it. I want to live and I want to die.
I don't know who "I" am, and I know exactly who "I" am. I know that not knowing is ok and actually much closer to knowing the true self than constantly "searching" for who "I" am and what the label "I" represents. I comfortable with that idea.
I don't want to know who "I" am anymore, I just want to be. The problem I'm having is that I find myself not enjoying being far too often. I feel the reason for that is because I don't want to be who or where I am now, but I want to be somewhere or something else as I don't find the present moment enjoyable.
So the times when I don't enjoy the present moment and the times when I'm not actually in it.
In order to go where I am going, I need to be where I am. There is no other way to get there. I'm realizing that I've spent a large majority of my life living in the future (the past too, but the future is where I spend most my time). I create some great big idea or concept or goal and tell everyone I'm going to do this or that or be here or there. I spend so much time "going to" that I never get there.
This time, I want to get there. This time I will get there. If it kills me, I will get there. I'm understanding that the only way to do that is to take charge of the present moment and accept that I am where I am and I cannot change that without action.
Action - I just looked up "action" in the dictionary because I felt an overwhelming need to. The first definition for action is something done (usually as opposed to something said). Appropriate? Yes.
So I have a new creed when it comes to creating my future. Talk means nothing. Talk is simply sounds jumbled together to describe an idea. Written words are just shapes jumbled together to describe an idea. Action changes present and affects future. If I don't like my present situation, I need to act on it.
I'm tired of sitting around waiting for myself to get it.
Listen
About Me
- [josh]
- First of all... I'm a redhead. Please don't hold that against me. I left behind a life of six-figure income, board meetings and presentations to pursue a life of homelessness, adventure and hopefully a few good deeds along the way. Is there something wrong with me? Probably. But I'm loving every bit of it, so here's to the next adventure...
6 comments:
dksdkjfs dlslkdf, lodiksjasl, lkd dlkfjsdlfsd dldld oeijsapdlkjf ahajajaj, allakdj ldd dkdoekd [pwr, ttehe. Thelelwkdi, ligu di onlekd ty qwpppdl thjthth liothhsllekej, llsdkldjf.... dosijdadl?? laskdfjas...
Um.... yes?
This post, even though it seems you are a little frustrated, makes me giddy! I have been telling you that talk is nothing without action for years and maybe without always doing it myself!! Either way things seems to become definite when you have the realization completely on your own will.
I really do think that we will make it to where we want o be as long as we (YES BOTH OF US) push ourselves to take action, rather than just talk and complain about what is and isn't happening.
I do believe that we have both made a small change lately. You just have to look at how many times we have put the effort int going hiking this year compared to the last.
This is going to be another exciting and educational adventure. I love you very much!!
I love having break throughs in the wee hours of the night. I'm happy that you are seeing things the way you are, i'm glad that you're able to put yourself in front of you, and in another perspective.
I do want to say though words most deffinately do have meaning. Words are powerful and alive things. It is only that they are subject to your intentions and desires. If you put no meaning in your words then true your words are meaningless. Though if you put all your meaning and force in them, they do indeed have meaning and force.
I beleive that people in general have lost the meaning of words. Because people don't truly comunicate anymore with them. Only using the true purpose of words when they need to make a vital point, or they have a cetain perspective they feel drived to make seen. I think people use words, really use words, as the exception not the rule.
Actions are easier to interpret. Their meaning is easier to grasp. If you wave for someone to come to you, they know what you mean. If you say "hey come here." They also know what you mean but they could think you didn't mean them, or they could ignore you. Action is mostly tangable. Words are interpretable. Unless you put power to them.
With power, words can stop wars. They can woo a women to your bed. They can make you think. Words can be as powerful as action, and sometimes more. Words can paint a picture in your head of a child in a meadow dancing among flowers. They can make you feel terror and sadness or fear, with no physical means to cause such feelings.
Action is a fantastic force that man has. And that we have the freedom to do with it what we choose is even more fantastic. Action will get you to where you are going. It will take you to any place or time you wish. Though remember that sometimes there is not an action in the world that could do what words can, when you know what to say, and you have the faith in yourself to back them up.
yay for wee hour of the morning thoughtfullness!!
Seth
Josh, ya for action! May you find the energy and inspiration to put power behind your words which will drive you to the action you desire.
Seth, I plan to quote your response in the very near future. =)
Seth- Thanks for your insight. It's always much appreciated. I love your ability to see situations or concepts the way you do. I agree that words can most definitely have power. I think the problem that I've been experiencing is that lately, my words haven't.(and also that they've felt insufficient to describe the feelings and emotions I've been experiencing lately) I haven't had enough conviction or force behind them. At this point, I feel more conviction to go through with my plans than ever in life. I think that's why I'm calling myself to action.... because I want my words to have meaning.
I guess my actions will soon tell how meaningful my words really are.
Sara- Thanks for the encouraging words! May you find energy and inspiration as well. (and maybe some words to put them behind, if you choose). =)
Post a Comment