Journey to the Seventh Level

The following is taken from my "Thought journal" during an all night meditation/contemplation session:

I find myself having the desire to cry more and more often. I haven't yet given in to this desire. I believe the reason is simply a lack of understanding.

In a lot of ways, I feel like I'm starting to feel and understand death and sadness for the first time. It's not a bad thing. It just is. I am going to die. This is an undeniable truth that I must accept at this juncture.

Death is just the beginning. The other day, I saw a tunnel moving forward and backward at the same time. This grew faster and faster until it ended in an explosion of light. What is the light? It is so many things that it cannot be accurately described in an allotted amount of time. In short, it is death. It is birth. It is myself. It is yourself. It is life. It is God. The list goes on for eternity. All objects, images, people, things, occurrences, instances, problems, situations, solutions, and thoughts are one and the same. This explosion of light is all things.

When I press hard on my eyes, I see things. I see these explosions of light. I see brilliant colors. This is nothing new to me. Recently, I've discovered that I also see a grid. It starts out up close with larger squares. The harder I look and the harder I push, the more the field expands. The squares become smaller. If I look hard enough, the field becomes infinite. The squares begin to lose form, but they're still there. I feel them. There is no denying their existence. There is no denying their intrinsic meaning. What is their meaning? Apparently, I do not need to know at this time. I only need to know of their place in my world and that, for some reason, I allow them to be there. I feel them into existence.

I'm learning that I can manipulate certain aspects of my appearance through thought. I recently came to the conclusion that I needed to change my own mental body-image. I willed a shift. The next day, when I went to work, the first thing that was said to me was "You look skinnier." Now, I don't discount the fact that I've had a dramatic change in physical activity lately and that this change has facilitated a weight loss process, but the change was not publicly noticeable until I accepted it and willed it so. I've also realized that Meisha had noticed a change earlier and I believe this is because the same shift was much easier and less conscious at home, but nonetheless, the results are the same.

I'm experimenting with sleep and the necessity of it; or more interestingly, the lack or abundance there of and the purpose each serves the mind. I understand the purpose that sleep should have for the body, but I feel in many ways, even that is a debatable opinion.

When all factors are considered, sleep has served dual purposes in my life. It has become my enemy and best friend. After all, there is duality in all things. It has been my savior, my escape from reality, my safe place, my rejuvenation. On the other hand, it has largely aided in the demise of the relationship I have with Meisha. It has prevented morning ritual and exercise, and has prevented personal progression.

Now, here's where thought becomes intriguing. "Sleep" can be just another word for "Me" or "My" or "I" or "Ego". After all, all things are one and the same. Now look at the previous paragraph with that in mind:

When all factors are considered, I have served dual purposes in my life. I have become my enemy and best friend. After all, there is duality in all things. I have been my savior, my escape from reality, my safe place, my rejuvenation. On the other hand, I have largely aided in the demise of the relationship I have with Meisha. I have prevented morning ritual and exercise, and I have prevented personal progression.

For my entire life, I've always looked for things and circumstances to blame. The blame doesn't lie with these things or circumstances. It lies with me. These things and circumstances may have caused the problems in my life, but I created them (things, circumstances and problems). I willed them into existence.

*My problem with sleep is self-inflicted and self-created to serve it's purpose to the ego. And so the meaning and relevance of sleep begins to blur.

Through meditation, I was able to briefly visit the 7th level of awareness. In this place I met a guide. I asked him if he had any words to share with me. This is what he had to say:

All things are equal. Become one with nature. Do not depart. Feel the sensations and vibrations that these great Mountains fill you up with. They are here for you. They were made for you. BY YOU. You love the Mountains and I know that. Welcome Home.